I'M BACK... !!!!

Hello friends!
No... I didn't forget about my blog, nor did life slow down :)  It's just been even crazier, and I've struggled to find words to write the past few months so rather than ramble on about stuff in life without really being real, I chose to take a little break.  Sometimes life throws you from one storm into the middle of an even bigger storm.  I'm learning over and over that God is never really done working on us...there's always lessons to learn, and for stubborn people like myself, sometimes it takes a hurricane in our lives to sweep the bottom right out from under us and bring us to our faces, realizing that God alone gives us the strength to face the painful blows life often throws our way.  Looking back, I realize a WHOLE lot has happened since I last wrote in August!  Wow!!!  It's amazing what all can happen in just a few short months!  I promised way back when I first started this blog that I would be real... raw and real and live life without blinders.  That's been a struggle for me lately, but I'm going to do my best with that tonight, and I'm also going to try to sum it up in a nutshell... and best of all... introduce you to #3 of my 4 kiddos!!!  :)
So back in August... I was training hard for my very first FULL Ironman race.  Yep... I'm a bit crazy, as we already knew, and always up for a challenge, so I decided I was going to train and race my first ever 140.6 ... that's 1.2 miles of swim in the ocean, 112 miles of cycling, and then top it off with 26.2 miles of running.  October 26, I did it!  As many of you know by now, 15 years ago, I was painfully ill.  So sick and in SO much pain, I couldn't even find the strength to stand without tears.  I spent over 2 years in and out of the hospital, on incredibly high doses of prednisone, and even 4 weeks on an IV drip of pain meds to try to get the inflammation in my body under control.  I was eventually diagnosed with Systemic Lupus, and told that there was a very high probability I would spend a good portion of the rest of my life in a wheelchair.  I was 21 then.  I tell you that to brag on God... because HE had different plans for me.  Completing an Ironman was ALL glory to Him... nothing short of His strength and perseverance that got me thru it!  I called it my "free therapy", and I used the long hours of training to pour out my heart to God... many tears of both joy and pain were left on the road and in the water during those hours and hours of training!  

November was as much of a recovery month as possible for me when dealing with 4 kids under the age of 11 and one who is "extra special" with his needs, as well as struggling thru some issues on the home front.  Over the past few years, I've realized how different reality can so often be from what appearance lends us to believe.  It shows true in SO many areas of life... friendships, jobs, even marriages.  An area in my life I've always kept private is my marriage.  Not necessarily because I've tried to hide stuff, but more for privacy sake, and also because I've learned some painful lessons in trust the past few years especially.  All that being said... my marriage may have appeared great on the outside, but behind closed doors, we struggled.  A lot.  We'd been thru years of counseling of all sorts, and tried to fight our way thru some pretty painful battles.  The details are not necessary, but I only say that to give you a peek into the past few months.  Kevin and I separated back in November of 2013.  The details are not necessary for public knowledge, but I would ask you to say some prayers for my kids especially as they come to mind, as they are walking in the middle of this hurricane too.  Back in the summer of last year, we found an incredible Christian Children's counselor, who has been walking this journey faithfully with the kids the past 8 months now, and is a blessing beyond words.  This is a painful paragraph to write... to let you in on the pain.  Honestly, it's probably the biggest reason I haven't blogged recently.  I've dealt with a lot of criticism and judgment.  A lot of betrayal by those who were once closest to me.  BUT I've also felt incredible love and compassion and grace by some incredible true friends and family... ones who have loved me and the kids right thru the eye of the storm.  So if you feel inclined to judge or send me your "words of  wisdom", I beg you to keep it to yourself.  Call me what you will, but I've dealt with painful words and actions for 6 months.  This is between God and myself.  Kevin's story is between himself and God.  The only thing I think we would both agree on is that we need your prayers for the kids, and for us individually.  Thank you in advance for respecting that.

So let's fast forward a bit to later in the winter ... a much more cheerful topic :)  As a few of you may remember, nearly 3 years ago, one of Kai's specialists nominated him for Make-A-Wish... and he was selected to get his wish granted!  Kai's big wish was to go learn to surf in Hawaii!!!!  Well... it took nearly 3 years to get the details of the trip organized, but late in February, I got a call that Kai's wish was being granted!!!  And it was going to be granted SOON... as in April/May!!  The calls continued... as did the specialists and appointments for Kai.  His condition has been progressively getting worse, so the biggest prayer of mine was that his strength would be strong enough to allow him the opportunity to really experience his wish to the the fullest.  Make-A-Wish went above and beyond what our wildest dreams could even imagine!  We flew out on a Wednesday... spent 4 days at the Sheraton Waikiki in the penthouse suite... and were treated like royalty!!!  I wish I could post all the pictures on here but words and pictures can't begin to describe the memories the kids made there!

Make-A-Wish organized for us to spend a day at The Polynesian Culture Center (complete with a tru luau at the end of the day!), another day with a private tour of Pearl Harbor and the Aviation Museum, a free day exploring the island (and getting Pineapple Ice Cream at the Dole Plantation of course!!), and then a day with private surf lessons for ALL of us!!!  100% expense paid trip... TOTALLY incredible!!!

So that's the past few months in a nutshell!!  YIKES!  It's sure an overflowing nutshell, but I know it's been a while so I had a lot to catch you up on I guess :)
I promised I'd introduce you to #3 of my 4 kiddos too, and that's been another part of the past 8 month's journey...
Peyton Ke'Aloha is our precious blonde haired, blue eyed little firecracker!  She's my 7 yr old (going on 21) little ball of energy that has one of the biggest and more tender and sensitive hearts of anyone I know, but she can also be the most stubborn and strong willed little pistol you ever met (I have no clue where she gets that?! ;) ).  Peyton is our only little munchkin born in Ohio... and in all honesty, if you gave her the choice, she'd probably choose to move back there!

Much unlike her older sister, Peyton is a tomboy in a dress :)  She LOVES to wear her most sassy dresses with her hair fixed just right... out to play soccer with the boys or climb trees and do somersaults!  We call her "Peanut"... she's the shortest of our kiddos (yes, even Thayne, our 5 yr old, is quickly catching up and passing her!) but she doesn't let size get in the way.  She does anything and everything she sets her mind to doing!  All she's known her whole life is Kai visiting doctors appointments and specialists and therapies, and it's given her an incredibly tender heart toward both Kai and other "extra special" kids.  She's incredibly caring and has a mothering instinct to care for both of her brothers in ways no other 7 yr old child would probably ever think to.  If you aren't careful, you'll allow her cuteness to allow her to get away with just about anything :)  

So how does she fit into the past 8 months... well, about a year ago, she had a random "fainting" spell where she suddenly collapsed and "went out" for just a moment, and then came back to herself pretty quickly but was very tired.  I called the pediatrician immediately... my first thought was that she just had a seizure.  The dr checked her out and we monitored her closely, but didn't notice any other spells, so slowly just let it go and forgot about it.  Well... then about 2 months ago, it happened again.  This time she fell flat on her face, went "out" and came back to having NO recollection of any of it but was so tired she couldn't even speak and fell right back to sleep into a VERY deep sleep.  This time the doctors were much more concerned.  Once... they let it go.  Twice, seizures were a big concern.  So... now another adventure in the hurricane begins.  I think I've heard there can often be multiple eyes in a storm... well, I'm quite sure that's true right now!  There's been many nights I've laid in bed asking God "Why me?!"... and to be honest, I still don't know the answer.  BUT I do know one thing... He's been constant and faithful thru every eye of the storm.  So last week, Peyton spent an afternoon having an EEG done.  

As you can tell... she loved it :)  (her biggest concern was that she was going to have messed up hair with sticky stuff in it from all the electrodes, and she was having to go to Kai's Make-A-Wish dinner right after her testing!  lol!)

But... praise report!!!  Doctors called on Friday to say the EEG came back totally normal!  So they will continue to do a few additional tests, but thankfully they have ruled out seizures.  The neurologist thinks she has a condition called "Hairbrush Syncope"... and yes, that's real!  CRAZY condition that she will grow out of by the time she hits puberty if that's what she has, but it causes random unexplainable passing out when kids are under stress or turn their head in just the right movement.  So we're hopeful it's that!  And being rare and random just means she fits right in with the rest of this wild and randomly rare bunch of kiddos :)

So the journey continues... and I promise to write again soon!  After all... I still have another child to introduce you to!  We can't forget Kalia Brynn... :)

Thank you in advance for your prayers... your love... encouragement... grace... and willingness to share this journey called life...