Yes... shocker I know that I'm posting 2 whole blog entries in less than a month, but I feel like this one has been burning in my heart for a while now, and when my oldest daughter became a teenager just a few weeks ago, I think the thoughts started to overflow. So this post is more of a brain dump that I hope and pray one day both of my girls read and take to heart. It's wisdom from their mom, who's learned most of life's lessons the hard way because as those of you who know me already know... I tend to be stubborn and hard headed at times and most things for me have to be learned by doing and making mistakes and learning from them.
So I've been a single mom for nearly 3 years now. As I write that, I look back and the time has gone by incredibly fast at times and also painfully slow at times. I never wanted to be a single mom. I never wanted to even have the "D" word spoken in my home. But as I've said over and over... the past cannot be changed. It's amazing how much people immediately come to conclusions and judgments about you when they hear you're divorced, not to mention if they hear you have 4 kids and one with some extra special needs. Most guys run the other way. I've decided that's because they aren't strong enough to face it without even taking the time to get to know me. And that's ok. See if they, or anyone for that matter, really take the time to sit back and see, every child has special needs. Every child needs something special that only genuine love and affirmation will fill. It's just that some have what I call "extra special needs" and need a few extra hours of your time for doctors and therapists. I guess that leads me in to my lessons learned the hard way. I hope and pray my girls don't have to learn them the way I've learned them, but instead will take to heart the words of their mama... and for the other single girls reading this, I pray a few nuggets stick with you too.
Discover who YOU really are. What do you love? What inspires you? What makes you smile? Never be ashamed of that uniqueness. Don't conform. That's the way God created you to be and it's what makes you special. You don't need another person to affirm that or make you who you are. Stand tall and confident that God created only one of you. I spent years of my life trying to make myself into who I thought my friends wanted me to be, and who I thought a certain man wanted me to be. In doing that, I lost myself. I was an insecure woman wandering around trying to make everyone else happy, yet inside I was dying. These past 3 years I've done a lot of re-discovering. Everything from what I truly valued in friendships, to being satisfied with my looks, to my favorite types of music... the list goes on and on. I've found a "me" that I had lost, and I'm still discovering parts of me that were buried, and each discovery makes me smile! So be YOU. Unashamedly YOU.
Listen to your friends and family. So much of our life gets wrapped up in our feelings, and we have blinders on to reality of what road we're really walking in our life. The ones who know and love you may call you on the carpet on some pretty tough stuff, but don't shut them out. They see what we often don't see when we're walking in our own tunnel. Many of them have already experienced the road we're walking and have learned lessons the hard way and are trying to prevent you from walking the painful road they've walked. So listen to them. Sit and think on their words before you react or defend yourself. They're often right. (ok if I'm honest, the majority of the time they're right!) And speaking of friends... choose them wisely. Don't just pick friends who agree with everything you say and do. Pick friends who seek Jesus with all that they are. Those are the ones who will walk the tough stuff with you and help steer you in the right direction. They are the ones who aren't afraid to confront you on your choices and hold you accountable to making changes. Your friends are your family that you get to choose. So choose wisely and trust carefully.
Never pursue a man. Let him pursue you. I'm not dumb. I know the day and age we live in and all this feminine rights stuff. But if you have to chase a man, you'll spend the rest of your life chasing him trying to convince him you're worth it. If he doesn't see your worth, he's not worth having you! That's his loss! I've learned this the very hard way, and my close friends will tell you I've learned my lesson. Know that you are a beautiful and unique soul. There's only one in the world of you. And whoever (if there is one?!) that right man is... be patient. God'll bring him to you when the both of you are ready. Let him pursue you and ask you on dates. Real dates where he picks you up and plans something special with you in mind. If he's worth it, he'll want more than just to take you home to his bed. He'll want to get to know you for who you are and he'll make the effort. He won't be intimidated by your strengths. Rather your strengths will inspire him!
Forgive. Even when they don't apologize and don't deserve your forgiveness. Forgive. Learn to let it go and know that God'll handle them. Your bitterness and holding a grudge doesn't do anything to hurt anyone except yourself. Forgiving doesn't mean what they did was ok. It just means you aren't letting their actions or words destroy you. You're giving it to God and letting Him handle it. After all, He does a much better job at handling it than we do anyways :) Then pray for that person. Trust me. That's one of the hardest things you'll ever do. But I promise it helps. It makes you continue to let go and give it to God.
Last, pursue Jesus. Never be ashamed of your faith. Others may think you're crazy, but when life gets so hard you just don't know how you can take another moment, He'll be your strength. He is faithful. He never fails. He provides. He's got your back. Hold on tight to His promises when the going gets tough. He'll get you thru the storm so you can see the rainbow on the other side!
The Road of Life
At first, I saw God as my observer, my judge,
keeping track of the things I did wrong,
so as to know whether I merited heaven or hell when I die. He was out there sort of like a president.I recognized His picture when I saw it, but I really didn't know Him.
But later on when I met Christ, it seemed as though life was rather like a bike ride, but it was a tandem bike, and I noticed that Christ
was in the back helping me pedal.
I don't know just when it was that He suggested we change places,
but life has not been the same since.
When I had control, I knew the way. It was rather boring, but predictable . . .
It was the shortest distance between two points.
But when He took the lead, He knew delightful long cuts,up mountains,
and through rocky places at breakneck speeds, it was all I could do to hang on! Even though it looked like madness, He said, "Pedal!"
I worried and was anxious and asked, "Where are you taking me?"He laughed and didn't answer, and I started to learn to trust.
I forgot my boring life
and entered into the adventure. And when I'd say, "I'm scared,"He'd lean back and touch my hand.
He took me to people with gifts that I needed,
gifts of healing, acceptance and joy.
They gave me gifts to take on my journey, my Lord's and mine.
And we were off again.
He said, "Give the gifts away; they're extra baggage, too much weight."So I did,
to the people we met,
and I found that in giving I received, and still our burden was light.
I did not trust Him,
at first, in control of my life. I thought He'd wreck it; but He knows bike secrets, knows how to make it bend to take sharp corners, knows how to jump to clear high rocks, knows how to fly to shorten scary passages.
And I am learning to shut up and pedal in the strangest places, and I'm beginning to enjoy the view and the cool breeze on my face with my delightful constant companion, Jesus Christ.
And when I'm sure I just can't do anymore,
He just smiles and says . . . "Pedal."
~Tim Hansel
Holy Sweat
No comments:
Post a Comment